Monday, August 29, 2011

Care and feeding of the Elusive "Space Tweep"

The "Space Tweep," scientific name Homo nasaobsessivous, is rare creature, early in its evolution cycle. Evidence supports the theory that it emerged as an offshoot of Homo nerdicus and Homo geekorolosus sometime in the mid-2000s. Some evidence points to their origin as early as 1961, however, the species lacked any tribal behaviour or social coherency until the dawn of Twitter in 2006.

It may be difficult to identify the Space Tweep from other human beings, as they are similar in appearance, but there are several important differences to be noted: firstly, the Space Tweep will frequently be seen frantically typing on a smart phone or other mobile communication device. This is their lifeline to their tribe, and if cut off, they may lash out irrationally, and even become violent. While they exist in a plethora of varying climates and ecosystems across the globe, they are most comfortable in their natural environment - Kennedy Space Center, in Florida. Space Tweeps feel an instinctive pull to this place, much like birds who migrate south for the winter, or salmon who return to the same breeding grounds season after season. On a launch day, Space Tweeps will be out in full-force, and, indeed, this is the best time for spectators to catch a glimpse of this elusive creature, as their sheer excitement will bring them away from the comfort of their home computers and into public, to witness the spectacle. They are drawn to launches as a moth is to the flame - some studies have suggested they are literally incapable of resisting. This rivals even the survival instinct to these Tweeps, and they will frequently wait for hours - even days - in adverse environmental conditions just to get a glimpse of ignition. Beware, however - the Space Tweep is often a pale creature, and exposure to the elements may cause their skin to burn and redden, a condition known as "shuttle burn."

The Space Tweep can survive for days on nothing besides sheer enthusiasm and excess rocket fumes. However, after some time, it may become necessary to provide additional sustenance to the Space Tweep in the form of pizza, cheeseburgers, or Coke Zero.

It is not recommended you keep or domesticate a Space Tweep, as they will hijack your computer, eat all your bandwidth, and break out of any containment efforts meant to keep them inside on launch day.

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